I have always been at the beginning of something. Or in the middle of something. But never at the real end of anything. The end was always a glorious closure for something that had been painful (i.e. presentations, dissertations, degrees or bad relationships etc.). Now it is a painful end of a period that I considered good. And it’s clear: it was good only in my mind… Again, it’s all in my mind!
The real end has just come, the way I started to expect it a while ago. It came as a creepy spider, with all those long dark legs that climb hastily on your skin. One sharp biting and you pass out in shock. “At least it’s a bite you get from reality, not from your dreaming mind, Malina!” whispered in my ear one of my life-long friends, my left earring.
What (and when) is the end? When the others tell you is over while you believe it’s not? When you think is over while they send you signs that it’s not? Is it a line you draw or a line they draw like “From now on, stay away from me!”, Go home, you bum!” “Why don’t you mind your own business?” Is this the moment when you must hit the road or just open your palms and go “But, but… you see… you’re wrong…”?
Sometimes I think I am so pathetic that I get kicked out even from my own dreams… I always mean to do well and I always mess it up, sooner or later. And the story ain’t over. The spider is going to bite again this week!
Lesson learned: don’t waste your time searching for gold because it might not always come in that pure. And silver is as good to do the job!
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2 comments:
So true...
Sometimes it's over... and we keep looking at the door that closes instead of opening new doors...
you are right... I sometimes feel like a stray dog that nobody wants. Although i don't have fleas and I am well-behaved. And I don't get the real reason why...
But please, sign your posts with names or nicknames... it's easier
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